Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
