someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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