i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
