I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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