No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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