I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
