come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
