I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
