I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
