I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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