I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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