finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize