whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
