blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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