I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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