he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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