I wish i was in the wii world.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
