if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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