i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
