Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
