Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
