My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
