porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
