You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
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