Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize