Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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