finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
