420 ftw
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
