I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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