The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
