He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
