We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
