i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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