Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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