I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
