Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
