Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
