She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
