fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
