Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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