Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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