Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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