I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
