remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My life is pants optional.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
