walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
