My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
