I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
