A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
