i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
