1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
