I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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