mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
