i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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