she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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