I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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