I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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