I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
