I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
