i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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