k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
