New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she looked like the before picture.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize