the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
