We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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