I cockslap morals
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
