She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
