she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize